From the recording KELP!
Do The World A Favor
(© Andy Hill, Renee Safier)
Always a harsh critic of my work, Renee contributed
the word “eunuch” to this song - which is probably
the most memorable thing about it.
So we’re at the ceremony and I’ve been drinkin’ for awhile
I’m in the back pew moaning, my baby’s walking down the aisle
And Arnold’s waiting at the altar, the preacher’s talkin’ ‘bout a vow
He says, “Anybody here who feels that these two should not be joined,
Let him speak up now!”
And an invisible hand grabbed my shoulder and I said “Father? Arnold?”…
She’s a liar, a cheat, a spendthrift, I know it ‘cause she used to be mine
I could go on but we’ve only got the church for an hour
And that ain’t nearly enough time
Now do the world a favor, I’ll take her off your hands
Do the world a favor, I’ll return the wedding bands
So I snuck into the reception, hid in a closet by the door
And when I saw my baby coming I pulled her in and I kissed her on the floor
I said, “Baby, I know that you still love me”, and she said
“Man you haven’t got a clue,
And if Arnold finds us here now, he’s gonna make a eunuch out of you.
Which would be perfectly fine with me,
But, you know I’ve got all these guests to entertain and besides all that…
You’re nothin’ but a drunk, a rogue, a scoundrel
I know it ‘cause you used to be mine
But that was weeks ago, and now I’m married to Arnold until the end of time”
Now do the world a favor and sneak out while you can
Do this girl a favor ‘cause Arnold is my man, my man, my man
She had the kind of dress on not made for wrestling on the ground
And in the darkness of the closet I guess it must have slipped down
Now this fact didn’t escape eagle-eyes Arnold when he came in to grab his coat
She ran half naked out the back door
Me, I still got his thumb prints around my throat, But I got my Baby back
I just need to tie up some loose legal ends, keep one eye out for Arnold…
Vocals: Andy & Renee
Piano, Organ, Guitars, Harmonica: Andy
Lap Steel, Bass: Marty
Drums: John Hoke
Percussion: Renee